Conversations with Dr. LaTashia Reedus

Last month I had the pleasure of attending a “Girls Weekend” that was organized by one of my oldest friends (our friendship is old, we are merely “seasoned to perfection”) and it was a much-needed break from the daily grind!  While I was there, I had a chance to get into some really good conversation with one of her aunts who I found out is a regular reader of my blog.  (For the purposes of this blog, I will refer to her as “Ms. Patti” only because she reminded me of the grand diva herself with her energy and spirit!)  I was excited to get some direct feedback, but I was also humbled that Ms. Patti enjoyed reading my take on things in this chaotic world that we are all trying to navigate through. The more we talked, the more I found out that we have a shared passion in helping people better themselves by encouraging them to look deeper into the “how” as it pertains to the choices we make that can set us up for lifelong success or doom us to unnecessary failure.  Everything that we do in life, every experience that we go through, the person that we currently are and continue to evolve into is all based on one principle – responsible decision making. 

Think back to your earliest memory as a child to a time when you had a choice to make.  Do you share your candy with your sibling(s) – or do you keep it all to yourself?  Do you take off your school clothes when you get home and change into your “play clothes” – or do you keep them on a little longer and just hope that nothing happens?  Do you come clean about an incident in question when your parents ask the dreaded “Who did this?!?!” question when they get home – or do you look at the ceiling and respond with the just as dreaded “I don’t know” answer, or even worse lie and say that someone else did it? (This is where you should insert that “hmmmm” emoji that we often use to punctuate our reflective thoughts, lol!).  What did you decide? And how did you come to that decision?  I’m sure some of you are laughing at my examples because you feel as if I am looking into your childhood!  And to some degree, I actually am because it is during our childhood that we made our first decision.  A decision to do something based on some sort of reasoning process.  A process that should have included the norms and values that we were learning and internalizing as we were growing up, and that considered all of the possible outcomes and scenarios. And yet, we also made decisions that were not based on reasoning and values, but based on impulse and pleasures, where the thought process was “semi-rational” at best, and nonrational at worst.  And if we’re REALLY honest, each of us can analyze our current self and see how our everyday decisions – even those from way back – have affected who we are at this very moment in time, both positively and negatively.  See, we have all been taught right from wrong and how we should always make the “right decision”.  In Sociology, we would call this “ideal culture” because it is the ideal way of behaving and interacting.  However, we all know that too often we instead do the opposite and make decisions based on everything but what is “right”, which is called “real culture”.  Think of it this way – ideally, we should make responsible decisions in all situations, but the reality is that as real people, many of our choices are irresponsible and shortsighted.

When I was talking to Ms. Patti, she was telling me about some of the work that she is involved in as it relates to helping our youth engage in responsible decision making. I echoed her sentiments because as an educator myself I know that too often our youth don’t see the bigger picture, or the “long game” as we call it, which is evident in some of the decision making that they engage in.  As a college educator myself, I try to remind my students that as much as they are shaping the world, the world is shaping them as well and that means that their decisions should not be looked at as only impacting them or their small circle.  And let me tell you, that can be a huge challenge!  Adults see the world primarily in harsh realities and sobering hindsight.  To our youth, that comes across as not understanding the current times and cultural climate or attempting to suffocate their individuality in lieu of maintaining the status quo.  To us, it’s about trying to impart insight gained through experience and head bumping that we endured, while also encouraging them to be their true selves and reclaim their own narratives.  But this can be a hard intersection to navigate because the wrong decision can lead to a lifetime of unintended consequences.  Think about a time when you have reflected on an event and uttered the phrase, “Man, if I could go back in time and do that differently…” because you realized much too late that the decision you made was not a responsible choice and that you acted too quickly without thinking of the ramifications.  But at the same time reflect on the past event that makes you say, “Man, I am SO GLAD that I made the choice that I made in that situation…” because it has positioned you to walk in your purpose or be a light to someone else as a result of your choice to look at all angles and possible outcomes before you made your final choice.  Now assess how you feel about those two different situations.  What was different in each one that caused you to make the decisions that you did?  What were the external factors that played a role? Who were the people that were impacted by your decision? How did your decision impact others? What were the lessons learned from each of these situations? (Notice I didn’t say “regrets had”, I said “lessons learned” because I firmly believe we are the sum of all of our experiences at any point in our life. But that’s a blog for another day!)  I’m sure that if you have been completely honest in your self-reflection that you can see the value in being rational and reasonable in your decision-making processes as it relates to the two scenarios referenced above.  Which also means that at least now you understand why and how to make responsible and rational decisions. 

Unfortunately, responsible decision making is not a skill that everyone has, even though it is one that everyone needs.   Each and every one of us know at least one adult (or twenty adults) who can’t make responsible decisions NOW because they never learned how to make them when they were younger.  And as sad as it is to see, I know that very thing is what drives Ms. Patti in her interactions with young people today, in that she wants to help them reach their potential in life by getting them to see the importance of being responsible and intentional in the decisions that they make even as adolescents and young adults.  Because the truth is that actions do have consequences whether you can anticipate them or not.

I view every day as a new day to “get it right”, whatever the “it” is; at the same time, you have to be purposeful and responsible along the way, and make decisions that will help you achieve those ends.  For our youth, the “it” can be your attitude about school, your performance on your job, your talents on the court/field, or your emerging activism within the spaces you occupy.  For the adults, the “it” can be your role as a parent, your relationship with your significant other, your leadership skills on your job, your advocacy in your community, your dedication to your health/fitness, or your recommitment to self-care.  But you can’t get any of these things right if you are not responsible in HOW YOU CHOOSE to get them done.  If your plan to get good grades is not one that includes a strategic process of going to class, studying on your own, or even asking questions when you are confused, then you are not engaging in responsible decision making.  If your plan to finally get your health together does not include a visit to the doctor, reevaluating your diet, and adding some exercise to your daily life, you are not engaging in responsible decision making.  Yes, you are making a decision, but that’s all you are doing is making a decision. The challenge to all of us is to engage in decision making that is intentional, rational, and responsible because at the end of the day, who we are and who we will become depends on it.  

 Until next month…

Dr. R.